Useless Movie Goons Ranked By Coolness

Try aiming, guys! Maybe attack the hero all at once?!

Table of Contents

Goons. Pawns. Incompetent henchpeople. So many ways to describe disposable forces in movies that have a better chance at catching a cold than catching the heroes.

Here are some of the coolest bad guy forces that are pretty useless…but we still love them:

Dishonorable mention: whatever the hell these things are from Suicide Squad.

Warner Bros. Pictures

I don’t like bashing anything, but these things might be the worst “villainous pawns of the main villain” I have ever seen in a movie. The design seems uninspired, and they are as threatening as toilet paper.


The Silent Mary crew (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Ghosts? I’m all in. Still, these ghosts are kind of useless in a fight and a bit of an afterthought in the film.


Army of King Miraz (Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

I remember nothing about this plot. This only made the list because I thought of those sweet, sweet helmets. I’m pretty sure they are wiped out by a giant ocean person summoned by Aslan or something. -shrug- But look at those helmets!


Flying Dutchman crew (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Davy Jones is still some of the best motion-capture I have ever seen, but that being said, his goons were a little forgettable. I remember hammer shark-head man, shell face, and that’s about it.


Black Pearl crew (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

The Black Pearl crew were cursed, freaky, and the O.G.s of Pirates. They can’t die, while at the same time, serve as something for Jack Sparrow and company to stab.


Zombies (World War Z)

Paramount Pictures

The people who love this movie LOVE this movie. I’ll give them this — the running zombies are intimidating, but again, they are meant as something to shoot at.


Hela’s army (Thor: Ragnarok)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

I’m not a zombie guy, but I actually liked the design of Hela’s army. They aren’t the most daunting CGI force I have ever seen. Thor needed someone to demolish while the “Immigrant Song” plays on full blast.


Parademons (Justice League)

Warner Bros. Pictures

These wacky, devilish, dragonfly-like creatures were a choice. Was never a Justice League guy (love Batman), but like all superhero teams, they need some invading alien race to fight.


Hydra Soldiers (Captain America: The First Avenger)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

I don’t think I could sketch what the heck these guys look like. They get beat up so fast by Captain America that they are basically forgettable.


Dementors (Harry Potter)

Warner Bros. Pictures

“Expecto” these spooky creatures to get owned by Harry Potter at his convenience. I’m always for horror in everything, so it being a children’s book is wonderful. After their first appearance in the third installment, they go on to become another “swarm of goons” in film. 


Xenomorphs (Aliens)

20th Century Fox

I love the first alien, but the movie Aliens really turned this unstoppable alien into a swarm of target practice for the humans to shoot at. Mama Alien’s design is pretty sick, too, but her babies are still the best.

They are difficult to count since they are aliens, but they are technically the spawn of Mama Alien, so I’m counting them as the pawns.


Hammer Drones (Iron Man 2)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Literal drones for Iron Man to blast sky-high. That being said, I liked the designs and how they were separated into the three separate branches of the US military.


Sovereign (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. II)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

In Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. II, the Sovereign hire the Guardians of the Galaxy and quickly regret it. This leads them to hunt down the guardians throughout the film.

I think that sometimes, in the world of sci-fi films, alien design can be a little over the top. The gold makeup and eyes are simple but effective, much like the pointed ears on Star Trek Vulcans; sometimes it just takes the right cadence to make one seem alien.


Alien Crafts (Independence Day)

20th Century Fox

Maybe the most controversial one on this list, because the fighter crafts are actually very successful in their air raids. BUT, they stand no chance against the main characters in flight, thus, the point of this list.


Snoke’s Guards (Star Wars: The Last Jedi)


The Elite Praetorian Guards look awesome and carry some unique weapons unlike anything Star Wars fans have seen before. Cool fight, but they look more interested in dancing around our main characters than killing them.


Winkie Guards (The Wizard of Oz)

Loew’s, Inc

“Oh-Ee-Yah! Ee-Oh-Ah!”

I wasn’t going to count them, but then I think about how three Winkie guards had the element of surprise, and still got their clothes snatched by a lion, tinman, and scarecrow. They can’t even chase down a girl in ruby slippers! That being said, I always liked their spears and fluffy hats as a kid.


Hyenas (The Lion King)


They can sing, dance, and march. They’re triple threats! They are no match for lions, but the hyenas had a very (well-done-for-an-animated-film) sinister vibe to them.


The Crazy 88 (Kill Bill)

Miramax Films

Was never a big Tarintino guy, but the suits and style of the 88 are pretty iconic in cinema. 



20th Century Fox

I love the design, and it was very innovative at the time. The CGI might not hold up, but those sound effects sure do. In Episode I, they are last seen being taken out by (checks notes) Jar Jar Binks with a dismantled droid stuck on his ankle. 


Death Troopers (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story)


An imposing force that goes on to get wiped out in the third act. The tragic life of movie goons.


Sentinels (Matrix Revolutions)

Warner Bros. Pictures

I loved the design of these little mech-squids. Before they became target practice in the third installment, they were quite daunting, tearing ships apart at will.


Knights of Ren (Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker)


Love this boy band. The Knights of Ren were the Boba Fett of this trilogy. Look very cool and do very little until you get lit up by a main character.


The Golden Army (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

Universal Pictures

A cool design, but these fall on their face, since this film is named after them and they really don’t do anything. All that buildup and backstory only to have them be sidelined by the end of the movie.


Swarm Ships (Star Trek: Beyond)

Paramount Pictures

I liked the design of the swarm. Didn’t love the movie, but again, like most goons on here, these ships have their moment of terror to quickly lose to the loud sound of the Beastie Boys.


Death Eaters (Harry Potter)

Warner Bros. Pictures

Ah, yes, Death Eaters. The eaters of death. Loyal to Voldemort and evil wizards that get their asses handed to them constantly. It’s like the larger the numbers they have, the more inept they become.


Sixers (Ready Player One)

Warner Bros. Pictures

Maybe the best grunts in movies ever. Literally, it’s their job to be grunts, and since there are few video game movie entries on this list, I had to have these pawns pretty high.


The Chitauri (Avengers)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

The ultimate comic book team-up stereotype. “We need our band of heroes to fight some type of army… What about aliens!?” That being said, I think the design is the coolest of the Avenger baddies in the series. At least they are something for the Hulk to smash.

“Big CGI fight coming up!” —Deadpool, Deadpool 2


Two-Face Minions (Batman Forever)

Warner Bros. Pictures

These boys really stick out to me. They are as flashy as it gets when it comes to goons Batman can beat up. The masks, the light-up guns, and the muscle-flashing outfits are so over the top and wonderful.


Mummified Soldiers (The Mummy Returns)

Universal Pictures

A little dated, but still cool. In the 1999 Mummy film, these bad boys make an appearance in the movie’s finale. Like most movies, they were really imposing antagonists in the first film, but in the sequel, they were present to get their butts kicked on a double-decker bus for a little nostalgia.


Orcs (Lord of the Rings)

New Line Cinema

For a dollar, name an orc? These guys are one of the most memorable foot soldiers in movies. They are grotesque, intimidating, and really bad at winning battles. As you will see soon, they are not even the best grunts in their franchise!


The Agent Smith Squad (Matrix Reloaded)

Warner Bros. Pictures

What’s better than one Hugo Weaving? A whole army of him. Agent Smith and his copies are the perfect baddies to get leveled by Neo, making for a memorable fight scene that, at the time, was pretty groundbreaking.


Immortals (300)

Warner Bros. Pictures

300 is still so visually striking, jumping off the pages of the graphic novel, but as far as character design, I don’t know if anything tops the Immortals. The Spartans put their names to the test and passed with flying colors… Plus “main character cheat codes” helped the Spartans out.


Uruk-hai (Lord of the Rings)

New Line Cinema

Orcs are cool and all, but are they jacked like the mighty Uruk-hai? Hailing from Isengard, these orcs stand out with their awesome shields and armor. Helm’s Deep is still one of the best movie battles ever thanks to these bad boys, but they stand no chance against Middle-Earth’s heroes.


Stormtroopers (Star Wars)

20th Century Fox

Stormtroopers are the gold standard of “foot soldier goons” in movies. From their awesome, useless armor to their generic voices, these pawns are the ultimate cannon fodder to ever appear on the big screen. 

Who do you think are the best disposable pawns in movies? I’m sure I missed some, so comment below!